Thursday, March 13, 2014


My sons do Kuk Sool Won, a Korean martial art. Their instructor has been trying to get my husband and I to join for years. This past weekend, they held a free parents class so we decided to give it a try. 

It was fun, but definitely proved how out of shape I am. It also made me even more aware of my embarrassment about my weight. The whole time you are taking class you are looking at yourself in the mirror. I was so caught up in how I looked doing the moves, that I wasn't enjoying the class. 

My entire life I have been worried about being embarrassed. After years of being tortured in school, I became even more shy and withdrawn. I have spent a good portion of my adult life making sure that I do everything just right so no one will talk about me. I suck at small talk and interacting with small groups of people. The flip side is give me a huge crowd and I am fine. It's because I can't pick out the one or two or 10 people that are talking about me. In small groups, I can see their faces and hear the whispers. Even if they aren't directed towards me, I think they are. 

My husband always tells me that most of my problems with losing weight is all in my head. I would probably agree with him (don't tell him that)! I overthink everything. I plan out every detail about losing weight and then when one thing falls out of place I am lost. I over think working out and if I can handle it. I am so scared of being embarrassed, even in my own home, that I will just skip doing it. 

I know that I have missed about on so many opportunities in my life because of my fear of embarrassment. I don't want to keep doing that. I just don't know how to change that part of my thinking. You would think that at my age it wouldn't matter anymore, but it does. There are mean girls (and guys) every where in this world. 

How do you handle embarrassment? Is it something that bothers you or are you a roll with the punches type of person?

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